Amaan Bungalows, Kendwa, Zanzibar

So we have definitely hit the "tourist on holiday" portion of the trip. I am sitting in a chair made of bent branches on the porch outside our room, looking out at palm trees surrounding little bungalows with thatched roofs, as the evening breeze blows gently from the ocean.

I was actually able to attend church this morning in Stone Town. Tina and Lacey went back with me to the Anglican church built at the site of the old slave market. It felt so good to sing old hymns and speak aloud about praise and commitment to God in a room filled with other Christians. They're scare on the island of Zanzibar, a mostly Muslim area. Christians and Muslims seem to live peacefully together here, but for a moment I thought twice about wearing my cross necklace while in Zanzibar. I stand out enough as a white woman without a hijab and I'm not sure it's always safe to flaunt "otherness", but I am proud of my faith and comforted by it. So the necklace stayed on and everything seeemed to be okay.

After church we went to the big market and bought spices, coffee, and mangoes. I LOVE the mangoes here. I didn't eat any breakfast because I'm still having GI problems (I figured it was bound to happen at some point), so that mango was much appreciated after walking around Stone Town all morning.

At noon (well 12:00... they don't have "noon" here... haha) we left for the other side of the island. We arrived at a beach resort and spent the day getting our fill of surf and sun. The Indian Ocean is beautiful. The water here is so clear and clean. Lacey and I swam out to where some boats were anchored in the distance. My body was definitely saying "thank you" for the nice opportunity to work and stretch my muscles.

I am so conflicted about this part of the trip. Despite our day at the IAVC, I feel like I haven't been able to get a sense of life for the people who live in Zanzibar. All I know is that 90% of them seem very happy to welcome tourists (and the income they bring in) shouting "Jambo!" and "Karibuni!" as we walk by. I jokingly thought to myself while in the shower earlier that this must be the cause of the water shortage in Africa - all the water is used to provide Westerners withe shower and flush toilets in the hotels. I know that this is a complex issue with many causes, but I can't help but be conscious of the fact that, despite my conservation efforts, my 3-5 minute shower uses as much water as many Africans use in a whole day for all of their activities. I don't think that I'll ever look at my life and my experience in this world as a white, middle-class, American woman in the same way again.

I realized as I was listening to some of my favorite worship music that my faith has become increasingly important to me on this trip. It seems strange for someone who had turned away from the Church for so many years. I feel my relationship with God growing so much stronger. I think it's because I've had to depend on it so much more. I'm away from my home, away from everything familiar - all that I have to tie me to my life in the U.S., I carry in my heart. Away from everything that I might use to define who I am, I have to define myself by what's deep inside of me - the part of me that is strongest, most consistent, unchanging even when everything around me is changing constantly. I thought that it was interesting that I had found it difficult to worship in a traditional setting since starting at Halogen. I haven't been able to get that same sense of vulnerability and intimacy. But, I didn't have that problem this morning. I was so moved emotionally and felt like I was just sitting there, talking to God. I thought about why that was and I think it was because that's all I had. It didn't matter what music we snad or the language used or the format of the service. I just needed to worship with other people. I needed to affirm my faith in the presence of more than my own heart. And, I realized that it's my own heart that is what makes it a genuine experience. All I need is to carry God in my heart. He resides in everything, in any church building, because He is always with me, " residing in me, as me". I can't remember where I got that quote, but I've always loved it. "God resides in us, as us." Not only does it tell me that I am never alone, but also that I am enough. God is with us as we are at this very moment, as imperfect as that may be. I really felt tugged by God to be here and I feel like this is only the beginning of the purpose I am meant to use my life for. I am so happy for this passionate, loving, and adventurous heart that I have been given. It is what drives me. It is what defines me. I don't think I have often been able to see much goodness or worth in myself, but in this moment, I can honestly say that I have so much love for myself. I feel like I appreciate both my strengths and faults. It is good to be able to see yourself as God sees you. I feel like this whole trip I have been praying a silent but fervent prayer for Him to allow my eyes to see the world as He sees it. It's like my favorite Brandon Heath song. I want to see the beauty in my world and the people in it, but also be able to see the suffering and have the strength to do what I can to alleviate it in some small way.