En route to Dar es Salaam

I'm listening to a road trip symphony - Eddie Vedder playing on my iPod, the warm wind blowing by my ear, and our driver yelling over the CB radio in Kishwahili - and I can feel the emotions rising up within me. I am holding myself back from breaking down into the tears that I can't explain. I'm not unhappy. I'm not homesick. I'm not having any trouble with this trip. But, I am beginning to feel very emotional about this whole experience. I hate to think that I will be leaving Africa in a few days. I am afraid that my own life and my home will never be the same for me. This has been such an eye-opening experience and I can never look at the world in the same way. There are so many people that just don't have a clue what our world is really like... they haven't had an opportunity to see anything beyond themselves. And then there are some that get the chance to see a country like this and they are distracted by cockroackes, unpredictable availability of electricity and hot water, heat, strange foods and threats of unfamiliar diseases, their own homesickness and discomfort. Nonw of that concerns me right now. I feel that I have no right to have any more than the citizens that have been kind enough to host me in their country. I've never felt so guilty to have so much. In America, we live with such excess and I feel like we don't even appreciate that. We always want more. And I wonder to myself, how could I be as unhappy as I've been at times, when I am so fortunate? How can I be anything but grateful? There is such a horrible distribution of wealth in our world. So much money is spent on things that only do harm, while many people in the world find it impossible just to get their basic needs met. In my conversation about American politicians with the restaurant manager yesterday, we were talking about our thoughts on President Bush. "Too much killing... too much war", he said. We, as a country, have squandered away our money to fuel evil in the world. I never realized how difficult it is for a country to have basic infrastructure and there is too much destruction of infrastructure through ware. I wonder what the world would be like if we used the money spent on destruction to build roads, hospitals, sewer systems, wells, water treatment facilities, safe homes, schools... We are capable of so much more good than we realize. The human heart is fierce. Despite struggle and oppression and dismal situations, it refuses to give up dreamind, loving, beating... All over the world, hearts are longing for the same thing. They are shouting our in song and dance and prayer. The human heart is truly the world's most precious resource. This is one thing that I have learned in Tanzania. I think after that, water is the most important thing in life. I will never look at water in the same way. It is so easy to take for granted. I have never been so conscious of my water usage as I have been in Tanzania. There are so many things that I have come to appreciate so much more. There are really only a few things that we need in life and it is those things that I will hold close to me and thank God everyday that I am blessed enough to have them. I hope that I will not forget the things I have learned here. I want to live more freely, live more passionately, love more fearlessly, pray more fervently, and view the world around me with more clarity. Please God, help me to keep my heart focused on these goals. Asante sana, Mungu.