CSULB Library, Long Beach, CA, USA

I've been home for nearly two weeks now and I think that I've thought about Tanzania every day since my return. It's been surprisingly difficult readjusting. I've found myself a little unsettled - in a funk that I just can't seem to explain. I feel more restless than ever. I've found myself feeling a little bored and unmotivated at times. It's like running on a treadmill... I don't really want to keep up the monotonous toiling, but I keep pace because the only other choice is to fall off the machine (although one could argue for just pushing the big red "stop" button). I'm also frustrated with the pace of my life. I'm amazed how quickly I was back to the usual hectic routine of the semester. I'm struggling to find the sense of balance that I had while on my trip. I was right when I predicted that I'd probably never look at my life in the same way.

I'm even more uncertain of my feelings today. I received an emailing congratulating me on my acceptance into the MPH program at UC Berkeley. I don't think I experienced the emotions that I expected. Perhaps I am still in shock. For months (well maybe all of my life) I have been eagerly looking towards the next step. I have felt so restless and ready to embark on the next adventure - ready to feel more capable of making a difference. So, I was surprised when I received this news with hesitation. What do you do when everything you've wanted is placed right into your hands? How do you accept that there is no need for contingency plans - plan A is a "go"? I have been so in love with the fantasy of the future (and when in a new environment, I thrived), but I'm not sure anyone is ever prepared for the reality of taking the next big leap. I guess all you can do is jump off the cliff and free-fall, trusting that you'll land on your feet when you arrive at your next destination.

Tanzania was truly one grand adventure for me. I learned so much about myself. I found strength that I didn't know I had and realized that I've become a very capable and independent woman. I can't help but sit here with this tingly feeling rising up inside of me - I am about to embark on another big adventure. I think the hesitation that I originally felt is being replaced with excitement. I realize that I am ready to take on this new challenge. I feel like this trip to Tanzania was just to give me a taste of what my future holds.